Psychotomy

Well, what else would you call a non-vegetarian vegetable?

Last weekend we were having dinner with my parents. Actually, I think the conversation started before we went out, but whichever. Something comes up about vegetables, and I allow as how I don’t, personally, like the “vegetarian vegetables.” This is my own name for them, but it refers to all those vegetables that come in large quantities cheap, and thus are in all the vegetarian recipes. Tomatoes. Squash. Zucchini (which i’m told isn’t a squash). Cabbage. Bell peppers. Mushrooms (which I still say aren’t a vegetable at all).

First my parents start arguing with me. They tell me I’m wrong. About what I like to eat? Then they start arguing with me about the fact that those aren’t in vegetarian recipes. Vegetarian recipes have broccoli, cauliflower, sugar snap peas, spinach, yadda yadda. Sugar snap peas? wtf? those don’t come in ANYTHING but chinese carryaway!

Eventually we established that in the US, at restaurants, vegetarian dishes tend to consist primarily of the things I named. Even my mom was looking at my dad like “wtf?” Then I comment that I like most other vegetables, like artichokes, asparagus …

Then my dad cuts me off and says “those aren’t vegetables!” Uh, again with the WTF? Apparently those are elitist vegetables. Snobby, hoity toity, rich bitch vegetables. I’m guessing b/c they didn’t have them in India, so he was introduced to them until later.

So my family has 3 classifications of vegetables:
Vegetarian (squash, tomato, bell pepper)
Elitist (artichoke, asparagus, brussel sprouts (I was going alphabetically, dammit!))
Carnivorous (spinach, kale, broccolli, peas, beans)

I mean, seriously. What would you call that third category? Carnivorous or Bourgeois?

Posted in: general by attriel /