Psychotomy

Yesterday I took the old TV in the basement to Salvation Army. And I took the five (six?) dead computers to the dump’s computer recycling. clears up some of hte basement, with the trash i took too. mostly have the exercise bike to eliminate, now.

Then it’s on to the miscellaneous boxed crap. We processed about a dozen or so a few months back, and now those compacted eight are back in the big room, waiting to figure out where they go to live. There’s another half dozen or so (3 of which are full of D&D books), then random unboxed crap, the butterfly (bowl) chair … then the freezer room has gotten stuffed with more bits as i cleared out the walk down the stairs (now cluttered with the (filled with miscellany) box from the carpet cleaner and the strollers). Need to go through there with a torch again.

And after all of that? Yeah, then comes the really hard part. We get to go through all 2.4 billion books on the shelves around the house, consolidate, collapse, condense. Dispose. Because we want to rearrange the back room, in a way that involves not having those shelves taking up a full wall and holding a plethora of books we browse maybe a couple times a year looking for one in particular (kiir at least goes through a lot of her romances ; me? i have tens of thousands of dollars worth of sci fi and mystery and such that i am unlikely to ever feel inclined to read again :/)

Of course, I’ve been working my way through cleaning since … h … before kiir was pregnant. Noticeably before. It’s been 18-24 months I’ve been working at this crap, although it did pick up a year ago when we found out we were having a baby. I’ve fallen off lately, b/c the time I might’ve been willing to give up spending with Des has to go for K, since he needs walking and exercise and the two of them are too much for one person to take out, especially for winter.

And now my Mother-in-Law has offered to come up and spend a weekend “helping me.” because i dislike having someone clean my stuff their way (kiir doesn’t count, since it’s her stuff too, obviously). So she’ll ‘clean under direction.’ Which I don’t really see how that works, actually, since won’t managing mean i have to spend the time anyway?

The big problem, the BIG problem, is that to me it feels like admitting defeat. Asking for help means saying “I can’t do it.” And that’s where it falls apart. Because, in my head, it also means ‘I can’t take care of my own family’ … So even though everyone agrees that I need the help to clean the house … I still haven’t agreed to it.

Because I suck.

I really need to just quit sitting on the sofa on weekend mornings, and start cleaning when des is still sleeping in the morning :/

Posted in: general, house by attriel /