Psychotomy

So, DK has been having more meltdowns recently.  Not coincidentally, he’s much more willing to go up for bedtime around 9pm.  No, wait.  He’s much more willing to go upstairs with me and Pi, to “help out a little.”  But since he knows what happens when he helps (he falls asleep), I’m counting it, because he is taking that on.

So, fairly sure he’s having a growth phase of some sort.  Mental or physical, I don’t know (although my guess would be mental).  And that has him all out of sorts, prone to, alternatively, tear or screaming fits.

He broke down at a birthday party recently, he had climbed up to a platform, but there was only one ladder to go up or down (poor planning IMO), and a bunch of other kids were coming up.  When it started to get full, he decided he wanted down.  But kids were coming up.  Then everyone decided it was crowded o everyone wanted down.  Meanwhile, DK had been shunted to the back of the crowd, and even though he wanted to get down before everyone was up, he ended up the last one on the platform.  By which point he’d sat down in the corner to have a breakdown.  I know how it feels, I’ve done it myself before.  It’s just so frustrating and it seems like the world is against you.  *sigh*

Of course, then we have the part where he’s demanding things and we’re telling him no.  We got Skylanders for Xmas and I opened it up early for him, and we bought him a bunch of extra characters.  Now every time we go out he demands a new one.  Or two.  ”or one hundred!”  Even at the grocery store the other night.

And then the far end of the spectrum.  Wherein last night I established myself as (a) a power to be considered, and (b) worse than satan.  We’ve threatened to take away a Skylander or two, before, but we’ve never needed to follow through.  Once over t-day, I told him I was taking them away because he was insisting on watching TV instead of going out for a walk with Nonnie.  Then he said something, and I realized it wasn’t so much the TV as he wanted ME to come on the walk, and his little brother.  He hadn’t articulated it before that point, but once I asked if that was what he wanted, he was happy enough to grab his shoes.  Although he did ask, before we left, if he was still losing his Skylanders (I said no, because I decided that the imminence of the threat had motivated him to at least tell me what he wanted)

But last night, Pi was ready for bed.  Kiir was taking up Kitty.  And I ‘needed his help” with Pi.  He didn’t want to go, he wanted to watch the movie (not that Robin Hood: Men in Tights isn’t a GREAT movie).  We discussed the point, we argued.  He screamed, I got pissy.  And then I told him I was going to take a Skylander if he didn’t start going, and I counted down.  And he kept telling me not to count, and he batted at my hand to make the numbers go away.  And when I reached 0 … I picked out a Skylander and told him it was gone for a week.

The screams reached a fever pitch at that point.  He begged me not to take it away. He shrieked bloody murder.  He started to go up the stairs, and asked if he could have it back since he was going now.

I said no.  No, you can’t have it back, because you weren’t listening and you weren’t following directions.  And once I made sure he was far enough up the stairs to not see where I was storing it, I put it away.  Because if he saw it, even “out of reach” he’d just climb on something (possibly dangerously) to get it.  So I made sure he couldn’t see where I was putting it.  I don’t think he could see it when he came down this morning.

We all went up, brushed teeth, and they were playing in the room before booktime, and I told them to get up on the bed so we could read.  They ignored me.  I said “Five”, and DK went barelling up onto the bed.  Because, after all, Il Bastardo has already proven he’s maniacally willing to take away my Skylanders, I am NOT risking another one!!!

I hate “ruling by fear,” but I’m always being told I’m not supposed to be their friend.  ”You’re their parent, first.  You’re NOT their friend.”  I just don’t really know how to be a parent without being a friend, too.  A slightly bipolar and sadistic friend, perhaps, but…

(Kiir gave him back his Skylander this afternoon; which is fine, I didn’t really necessarily MEAN to take it for a week, but that was the unit I said, and fundamentally I needed to not be seen backing down from it; I did make him go give her another hug and a kiss and say thank you after I got home, because “daddy said it was gone for how long?  And mommy gave him back already?  I hope you gave her a hug and a big thank you, because that was very nice of her”)

Posted in: DK by attriel /