Psychotomy

last night i get home, and i lay down in the bed talking with kiir and snuggling the puppy

half an hour later i decide i should either get up, or change into my pajamas and just go to bed, b/c i’ve already fallen asleep once :o

go downstairs, watch the final cut (robin williams; pretty good) and decide to go to bed.

go up, lay down … but i’m kindof awake now. k’s chewing on a greenie, which doesn’t bother me. kiir’s crunching away on gobstoppers, which does. sounds like gravel in a blender!! after a while i got up and went back downstairs. threw on porco rosso from netflix (disc was scratched up, so it kept losing sound; but thats ok, i wasn’t really liking it anyway) and messed on my new server. decided to try working on my sshb scripts, and went to install the libs. but i saw there was this g-cpan tool, which makes gentoo ebuilds of cpan modules for you. great, i’ll use that, then it’s all handled by the system

except it’s not so good with dependencies. actually, it seems like it just merrily keeps going when cpan would have stopped and said “should i instal these dependencies?” which makes it not compile right! shocking

then there was another problem where one of the mods i’m installing is config-std-v0.0.8, but the g-cpan script assumes name-name-# … the v was confusing it. so i go and make a local patch and modify the g-cpan to understand the v and then throw it away b/c it’s not really important (the number is the version, the v just means version, so it shouldn’t affect me)

then i find that in another place it’s calling a script which makes the gentoo ebuild directories. and it’s calling it config-std-v and then not working b/c that’s not what it’s really called!

i gave up then and went back to bed

yesterday i ate a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, some chips & salsa for lunch, and a little over a dozen cheez-its for dinner. wheeee.

i bet i gained weight again this week while she sat around munching on jelli beans and gobstoppers and lost weight. i really don’t get that :/

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so, K’s in camp for hte weekend (when we couldn’t get his shot until thursday, he was gonna be bouncing off the walls and driving me bat shit bonkers, so we scheduled the weekend; then didn’t unschedule it)

we decided to take the opportunity to clean some without him underfoot. saturday i spent a lot of time shredding. And by that i mean i filled the basket on the shredder (and it’s probably a 5ga basket) twice. filled up a whole big black trash bag with shredded crap and the envelopes it came in! jeeeees

then we went out to get a carpet for K’s room (there’s been none since december when we tossed the old one with the sofa and toilets) i hadn’t been able to find anything for less than 60-80. we go to home depot, in the middle of an aisle (where you couldn’t see what comes next), she goes “oh!” and scurries down the aisle and around a corner, up another aisle, and ends up in front of the display of 20$ shitcarpets. no idea. so we bought one. well, two, since they were cheap anyway, figure I can just put the other in the unfinished room until we replace K’s again in a year or so most likely (was about a year this time i think)

picked up a new comforter and we saw some “dvd/cd racks” half price (20->10). grabbed a pair. not b/c i have any intention of sticking dvds or cds on it, but b/c it turns out things like that make great display centers for all the pewter dragons and ceramic fairies an’ shit we have collected :o

spent this morning shredding again (another basket full) and then the rest of the day cleaning up the living room. throwing shit out, organizing crap. 2 large bags of junk, two boxes of more books. whole lotta empty boxes in the hallway now. trash night tuesday is gonna take me forfuckingever i swear!

spent the downtime between bouts of cleaning the house cleaning my mailboxes. I threw out some 2000 saved messages. and i never even got to my two primary boxes :o probably keep about half of the primaries, but it’s still another thousand, give or take.

it’s not just my house i don’t clean. it’s not even my house and my office. i don’t even clean out my mailbox !!!

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so, for the last week i’ve been messing with my new amd64 gentoo box. getting it config’d and stuff so i could swap my desktop over and repurpose the old machine …

thursday night i get X working, so friday i decide to backup the drive to my new box (i made a /backups partition (i always do this … i now have a four-level deep backup … i think i may not be using those files from 99 anymore ..)) … 50 files in (out of ~20 or 30K i think; the whole box) … my connection freezes up.

ok no sweat. i’m transferring an truckload of files across the local (100tx) connection, my 1Mbps pipe to the outside world may not be getting enough through …. but it’s not responding to ping … uh … the other box stillr esponds …

and the rsync’s not progressing on the dest-box … uh …. guess it crashed with the throughage (i’ve done it before, usually to my windows boxes though)

get home last night, hit the reset button … why is it not coming up?

went through, tried each of the two mem sticks by itself (and in each slot, since i don’t remember which is #1 and #2). still no boot (screen never even kicks up). all the fans are running, so it’s probably not an overheat issue … drive spins up, i hear all the right sounds …

yanked the drive and stuck it in the new box, mounts up and i copy everything (no problems there, apparently). run badblocks, comes up with a bunch, so that could be the crash, but doesn’t explain the part where the system wouldn’t make it to post. throw it in another box, boots up fine. so i wipe it and i’m installing it there, now.

It’s actually my windows/gaming machine i stuck it into, i’m gonna want that back eventually, but the intent is to move the two servers onto this drive so i can combine them. then NAT it up so all the other boxes pipe and we can switch from our expensive SDSL (b/c we apparently can’t get regular ADSL through our company at our address) to ADSL from the phone company (who keeps saying i qualify … we’ll find out :o)

I was hoping to wait it out for the FIOS rollout,supposed to be coming in this year, but estimates now point to 3rd quarter before i could get it. maybe we’ll get cable when FIOS comes :)

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so, my new box is an amd64.

every box i’ve installed since … uh … 94? 95? has been a slackware, with a few redhat exceptions when i installed what someone else wanted on their box. i’ve taken over a few rh boxes at the office, but i’m a slackware guy

except there’s no official 64-bit slack. i could recompile everything via crosscompilation for 64bit. and slamd64 actually DID that. it’s the official unofficial slack 64-bit port. (offical b/c it’s linked, unofficial b/c it’s done by someone other than patrick, and as evidenced by “slamd64″ rathre than, oh, say “slack64″ :o)

so i figured i’d give gentoo a shot. and i’m having to learn all about gentoo now :o

and i gotta figure out my X configs again and put them on the new box so i can make sure I have what i need off the old box.

whee :)

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forgot to mention this earlier :o

saturday, taking K out, my ankle turned on the step off the stoop. and i went crash onto my knees :o

K’s been in camp since sunday :o i can walk again, now, without the insane limp. and stairs are still slow. but bringing K back tomorrow, and i should be able to at least take him out and stuff.

walks are still out for a bit :o

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went back to doc.

i told him i had a bad week last week (down, 0 concentration, no motivation or interest) he suggested thta it had only been two weeks on the lexa10, it could take a few more weeks for it to fully work.

then he upped me to 20mg anyway :)

gave me a scrip for the lexa and another 30 welbutrin. except i still have half the last bottle. which means the pharmacy won’t fill it. and i know from prior experience, when they’re on the same scrip sheet it fucks things all to hell.

they fill half of it and won’t give me back the scrip (b/c they partially filled it) but then they don’t have the other part in the system, really, b/c it wasn’t filled so the scrip isn’t in the system, duh.

i’ll probably finish off the bottle of 10′s i had leftover (i got it and then doc changed me up anyway, don’t remember which round this was; but the bottle says it expires in march, so i gotta finish anyway; probably when she tried me on 30′s last spring ; i didn’t like that one b/c it required 2 35$ scrips (one 20 and one 10 b/c apparently it saying “30″ gave them issues, since it doesn’t COME in 30. also i “had” some 10′s left so hey wouldn’t fill that part (that’s the whole 2 scrips in one scrip fuckup i mentioned earlier :o))

whee.

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so this morning, i get in the car and go to switch my ipod to the hindi lesson (i’m on #6 now) …

switch it over, hit play then pause so i can hook up the iTrip for the radio hookup and … uh …

it’s not pausing. it’s not playing. Really, it’s doing shitall. I take off the itrip, no change. push the button to lock, nothing. unlock, nothing. lock, no lock icon even appearing? wow uh …

pause, forward, back, menu … nothing …

screen’s all lit up like i’m hitting buttons … except i’m not. Actually, I haven’t been for over 3 hours now. it’s just sitting in my jacket. hung.

apparently ipods need a powerbutton or something :o hoping it’ll drain out and reboot back to happy fine normal. Or i’m going back to the apple store and turning in ANOTHER ipod :o and i’m still inside the ORIGINAL warranty no less :o

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ok, he may not be a quack. o nly talked to him once, so far, and i have to give him credti for giving me back my lexapro. like night and day, christ. last night i wasn’t yelling at k every time he barked, i was OK with taking him out (well, the first 3 times in 10 minutes anyway, then it got annoying :o). I wasn’t trying to play on the computer, which is when he usually gets even worse, but it’s a start

anyway, another thing i remembered from monday. he asked if i drank any beverages with caffeine in them. i said yes, he asked how much. so i told him 2 cans and a bottle, maybe, of soda. he got this BOGGLE look on his face like “OMFG! how can you drink that much and not die??? you’re a complete freak!!!” … which is strange, considering how much coffee most people (including, i bet, him) drink in a day. i’m not that much more in oz’s and i think coffee has a higher caffeine count.

and he seemed kinda disappointed that i wasn’t doing meth or something. maybe he wanted to score some :o

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Went and called a psychiatrist last week. Since my doc’s changed me multiple times lately, and the meds have been getting steadily WORSE! (ie : i quit carrying my pocketknife under a week after switching to the welbutrin … b/c i decided it would be bad if i didn’t)

go in today, apparently shock the heck out of him on a few occassions (he doesn’t believe i’m really 215lbs; and he seemed a little unsure when i was upfront and straightforward to some of his questions)

he decided that i don’t have ADHD b/c i didn’t have a reserved seat in detention and i passed my classes in gradeschool … apparently you can’t have a disorder unless you’re mentally fucked and morally whacked.

unsurprisingly, my indian doc defended my indian father’s inability to sit still as “he’s a workaholic”. Got confused when i told him my wife was jewish not indian …

wasn’t too comfortable with the part where he asked “have you ever had thoughts of hurting yourself?” “yeah. never wanted to reall kill myself, more cutting myself up for attention, then hiding it so people wouldn’t notice”

I think the one he REALLY liked was “have you thought of hurting anyone else?” “my boss. but that’s more b/c i don’t like them than anything else” “i mean, i don’t want to kill them, i just wanna beat on them b/c they’re stupid and annoying. I don’t intend to actualyl do anything to them, i just wish they’d shut up and go away”

…

i wonder if that’s gonna come back and bite me in the ass? …

anyway, he left me on welbutrin (b/c THAT’s been working fucking well) and put me back on lexapro. at 10. B/c he won’t do 40 “the usual dosage is 20mg” … do these peopel not understand that “usual” “averge” and “customary” all mean “but can differ” ??? jesus.

we’ll up my lexa to 20 if 10′s not doing enough, in 2 weeks. whee

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So, got the call this morning. My iPOD “failed the battrey test”. Which means that the part where it kept running out of battery wasn’t just me. It’s really FUBAR.

I bet that happened around when it flipped out. I’d hook it up to the computer, but it would never fiinish “updating”. and i’d have to eject it to charge. Really annoying. Cleared up eventually when i reinitialized and got a new ipod software update.

Anyway, they “have a replacement in stock” so we’re gonna go up tomorrow probably and pick it up. Gonna lose the customization (the engraving), but I wasn’t really attached to that. And i can probably take it to an engraving place and get something put up for 20 or 30$. Maybe a little more, if I want more than just a few words like apple gave me. Anyway, too bad. Woulda been nice to get a free upgrade to the nano since htey don’t sell mini’s anymore :)

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