Psychotomy

So, I was always going to e one of those parents that’s patient and loving and didn’t yell. When my kids did something, I’d sit down and have a reasoned explanation with them and they’d understand what I was saying and there wouldn’t be yelling

I dislike the yelling see

But it turns out? That’s a pipe dream for delusional people without kids. Omfg. DK starts reading a book with me, gets half a sentence in, decries that he just can’t read and storms off. What just happened? No don’t even know how to have a reasoned discourse, bc WHAT JUST HAPPENED???

I get home from work with a gallon of milk. In the time it takes to put it in the refrigerator, Pi has told me no less than six times that she’s thirsty she needs juice. I heard you, knock it off!

Bear moves next to me at dinner and keeps ramming me with his plate. You’re done? You want more? What???

And yelling? Happens way more than I’d like to admit. Because they never listen to any direction. Pick up the dishes, no seriously I’m asking you to pick up the dishes, not mine for diamond for twenty years bony run away! Wtf? GET BACK HERE DON’T PUSH YOUR SISTER!!!

Sigh. I was seriously deluded. I miss that ;)

Posted in: DK, Kitty, PI by attriel /
No Comments

So my depression has been worse of late again. Keeping it under control mostly, although with random flares of temper and malaise. Man I wish I could talk to a fuckig therapist about this PTSD. Good thin it’s not something important, just me being bored and wanting to waste some docs time.

I may also be more bitingly sarcastic. Hard to say

Anyway.

These paragraphs written and redacted three times. So lets just pretend I wrote a bunch of stuff and you’re silently judging me based on it now.

In good with that.

Posted in: general by attriel /
No Comments

So … After deciding we don’t like the old psych bc we felt they were borderline useless we found a new one. Friend of a friend got in same week!

So anyway, a) much better designed waiting area. Almost like they expect to have children visiting. B) much better doctor. Listened to the words we said and our cover a and out report from the old meds. Even asked “so… Why didn’t she want to change his med if it wasn’t working? That’s dumb” so yay!

Got a new scrip (adderall now) gave him the trial dosage Thursday morning. And I could see some difference before I led the house an hour later. WOW.

I understand he sat for his schoolwork and even did his reading. In fact, he DID HIS READING. as in he read the page and sounded out some words and generally kind of read it. I knew he could do it, he just never looked at the par long enough to see what the letters and words WERE. Which is actually why I can’t do picture books, he reads based on the picture not the words

Anyway, yay! Raising him to a standard low dosage this week. Seeing doc again in a couple weeks for followup and adjustment. Probably going to 2x or 3x /day. Probably raising the dosage another notch too

But I’m cool with tuning if we found a scrip that works!!!

Posted in: DK by attriel /
No Comments

DK had his third meds appt today. Last time she put him on Ritalin 5mg. Which led him to complete meltdowns all the damned time. All for little if any apparent benefiy.

So she had us cut the pills and give him 2.5. So last week that’s what he was on. The meltdowns and violence were better. But still no noticeable benefit

So today I took him and my wife stayed home with the other two (usually we stop ad I wait with them and after appt we go grocery store). Doc decided he was doing much better and she decided to maintain his meds.

She also stated that Ritalin has the fewest side effects of all ADHD meds. Which my wife’s research suggests is the opposite of true. But she doesn’t want to “experiment” with him bc of “his history” it could be dangerous. And how am I supposed to argue with that???

But she’s out the next three weeks, so guess we’re goin to stay the course for now. Maybe well see improvement. But I doubt it, we’re lookin for chemical improvement not biological changes, so those should have been evident already

Posted in: DK by attriel /
No Comments

So I wrote up a big rambling post the other night about my depression and stuff

Then I deleted it. Bc I was writing it while, awkwardly, depressed and missed meds.

Then I realized that that’s part of why I never really use this blog.

Depression isn’t about being “sad” or “down”. At least not for me. For me it’s more … There’s a word. I can’t remember it. Basically I just quit caring. Very demotivatioonal that’s for sure

So missed my meds, down drift all day. And by night I couldn’t care. Couldn’t care about going to sleep even. Which royally blows. Not interested in doing anything while I’m awake, can’t be bothered to even fall asleep

Depression blows horribly

Posted in: Uncategorized by attriel /
No Comments

This post intentionally left blank

Posted in: Uncategorized by attriel /
No Comments

DK had his appointment today for medication. Get him something to maybe help him slow down, sit still. Concentrate for more than thirty seconds.

We had all the kids, so I stayed outside while my wife took him in and did paperwork. She tells me it’s 150$. Which is nowhere near the 25-50 we were expecting. I mean seriously wtf. His therapy appts were 95$ and 70$. Next one is supposed to be 10$ then no payment, according to the practice. But 150$?? And it’s not a one time. Next one is another 100$ then 30$ each trip!! They said something about the deductible, but since I think today’s visit reached dk’s out-of-pocket limit … Not that I know what that means to our current insurance. Past experience has been “we quit counting, you still have to pay” and “now we’ll call everything out-of-network and apply different numbers”. I don’t have high hopes :(

Anyway, turns out that DK was too bouncy and distracting for the doc. So mommy had to bring him back to me. Because doc was going through the accident with mommy

Except, she needs his records from hospital. To know the details of if he lost consciousness etc. apparently it affects what she prescribes. I wasn’t told if there was a reason not to just scribe the non-interference meds. So, 150$ later and a trained doctor took a history.

Oh, and when we take him back? She’s going to want to take the history again now she knows what’s in the report. If she reads it. It’s hit or miss, usually, if they read it the first time. But she’s already met DK, so maybe that counts.

But no meds today. I’m starting to wonder about the mental health establishments on our plan. And I need to check the insurance, make sure we’re getting credit for these payments. And order his history. I should check if we need both hospitals, before we have another wasted appointment.

Wonder if she wants DK next time … I wonder if I ever get to see the right doctor …

Clearly I need my head examined, I keep expecting medical and insurance to be sensible

Posted in: DK by attriel /
No Comments

We’re at the mall the other day. Played at te playground for an hour and went for lunch. They agree they all want more playground so fine. Bathroom first!

DK wants to go boys room by himself and I generally let him. But he runs off ahead so I isn’t get a chance to repeat the directions from the first time. I take the other pair to the family rooms, and when we come out he’s not waiting for us

Well, shit. I go in the men’s calling for him, but hear no answer and don’t see his boots in the stalls. Back to the food court entrance where we go to the bathrooms, no.

At this point I threw out my (full) drink so I could carry Bear, and basically dragged Pi behind me to the playground. All set to be pissed off at him for not waiting, and contemplating a demanded exit and home

Except he’s not at the playground. Oh crap oh crap. Back to the bathrooms again, still not there. Check where we had been sitting. Ok, back to the playground one more time, it’s on the way to service to ask for help etc.

As we’re passing the bathrooms he comes running up. He HAD gone towards the playground bc he forgot the first directions and thought we had gone ahead (no, you don’t get to go potty quite that much by yourself yet, kid). And when he couldn’t find us he got worried.

From the security guard I found out he was sanding by the mall directory. Then we ran into the family that found him there and called security. Apparently he was very calm and collected about the whole thing, managed to describe me/my clothes reasonably, including my vibram five fingers and the baby carrier.

He was worried and scared, but in control and calm. And once he found me, he was worried because e thought I was going to be mad about him running off (not unreasonably I suppose since I had been) and he was scared he’d be in trouble for getting lost

He knew the right things to do in the situation (I’m not sure where to look for security personally so standing at a directory was probably not a bad option).

I probably even went past him at the directory and was on the wrong side or just didn’t see him.

In the ten minutes since finding him, my pulse is way calmer and blood pressure has got to be better. Bc omfg terrifying!

Posted in: DK by attriel /
No Comments

So, when I had that first appointment with my new psych…

First there was the wonderful “are you seeing anyone for therapy?” “Uh, I thought that was what you were when I was making an appointment”. “No, I’m a psychiatrist. This is a psychiatric evaluation”. Yah, doc, I figured that out from the question. But since I asked for a therapist during the phone call, you’ll have to bear with me.

Then “who diagnosed you with PTSD?” Uh, my wife? “Oh, so she’s a clinician?” No, she thought the flashbacks and fears sounded right. Then the PCP doc agreed and recommended me over.

So then “what caused it?” So, full explanation of last summer again. “Explain the flashbacks, you said you don’t witness it”. No but I saw the aftermath and say with him til paramedics arrived then there was he hospital. And my mind is happy o fill in the blanks.

“So like if I had been there it wouldn’t have happened, what could you have done to prevented it, was this your fault?”

SERIOUSLY? Every doctor we’ve seen for DK has been careful to make sure to tell us and make sure we understand “horrific accident” “can’t prevent everything” “they were just playing and this terrible thing happened it was not anyone’s fault”. And this guy says “man, you really fucked up didn’t you?” We’ve already established depression an PTSD, you trying to lighten the patient load by getting yours to suicide or something?

And this was all before he told me he wasn’t a therapist. Clearly, because as a therapist you suck. Hardcore, dude, because really. YOU SUCK

Hope the therapist is not mentally deficient too. Whenever I manage to see them.

Posted in: general by attriel /
No Comments

So, I’ve been having PTSD-like flashbacks since DKs accident. To te poit that I’ve had to pull off te road into a parking lot a few times.

Not to say they’re anymore fun when I’m not driving, of course. They enter ally suck. A lot. They’re not necessarily full PTSD style, since I generally know I’m not back at the the incident. But I still get full sensation and all the feeling of being there. So much fun

So, my doc recommended psychotherapy. Because really “why haven’t you gotten therapy before??” So yeah.

Except somehow I got scheduled to a psychiatrist for eval instead of psychologist for therapy. And now I’m on the waiting list, because the new psychs they hired recently are now full booked. But probably not three weeks ago when I scheduled my appointment. So, basically, I just didn’t get my appointment due to clerical error. Yay

Ironically, DK was supposed to see psychiatric for ADHD meds last week. But they scheduled him for therapy. He’s got another three weeks before he gets a second shot. I like the practice and the docs seem nice, but reception needs work.

Posted in: general by attriel /
No Comments